Know Your Org: Ele’s Place

"Know Your Org" is an informational series that spotlights some of the wonderful organizations in our community. This month, we are featuring Ele's Place.

November is both Worldwide Bereaved Siblings Month and Children’s Grief Awareness Month, making it the perfect time to feature Ele’s Place and their mission to provide free help for all grieving children.

Losing someone you love is tough for anyone, but for a child, it can be devastating, confusing and even isolating. American society has a long tradition of encouraging us to shelve our grief, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and carry on.

However, that’s not a healthy way to deal with grief, especially for children. Ele’s Place is an organization created to provide a better way to help grieving children and their families.

Ele's Place was started in 1991 by Betsy Stover. Her daughter, Ele, died when she was 11 months old. When Betsy went home to her other children, she realized that there was no real support for kids who were grieving. She also realized that each of her children was going through a different experience.

She traveled the country gathering tips from different grief centers. She returned to Lansing and started Ele's Place in the basement of a church. Almost 40 years later, they've served over 40,000 Michigan families.

“Ele's Place is a healing center for children who have experienced a loss. We provide free peer-to-peer grief support for children ages 3 to 18, and an online weekly grief support group for folks aged 18 to 26,” said Calen Conlan, Director of Development for Ele’s Place Ann Arbor.

“Our main focus is on children who are experiencing grief, but we also have support for their family members while their children are in the program.”

Their primary path to healing is through peer-to-peer grief support. The kids meet in groups with their same-age or similar-age peers who are going through the same grieving process. This allows them to talk through their grief with someone who understands firsthand what they are going through.

Volunteer facilitators lead the peer groups and are overseen by Ele’s Place bereavement coordinators, all of whom are social workers.

Why This Work is Important

“You can imagine how isolating it is being a 5-year-old and being the only person in your school that's going through this,” said Calen. “It's so important to have peers who understand what you're going through. So, from the social-emotional standpoint, it's incredibly important, but it's also important from a community standpoint. We know that if you support children who are grieving, their chances of a mental health crisis, addiction, things like that later in life are significantly reduced.”

Another reason to help them work through their grief is to preserve the memories of their loved ones. For people who lost a parent in past generations and were told to get right back to school and move on, they often have blocked out memories of their loved ones. Ele’s place doesn’t just want to support the kids now, but also to keep the people they lost alive in their memories.

“We want them to hold onto their memories,” Calen shared. “We want them to have an understanding of what death and dying are. How do we do that? By talking about it, by making it normal, by making it healthy to get help and support through your time of grief.”

3 Tips to Help a Grieving Child

What should you do if you have a family member or friend’s child who has suffered a loss? This is not a situation that comes up often in most of our lives, so chances are we don’t really know the best ways to interact with and help that child.

Calen shared three tips you can use if you are ever in this situation.

1. Let them know Ele’s Place is here to help and support them. Ele’s Place is available in the communities around Ann Arbor, Lansing and Grand Rapids. Even if the child or their family doesn’t want to come in and participate, Ele’s Place has a comprehensive resource list, so even if they’re not the right fit for them, they can refer you to a person, place or thing that might meet their needs.
2. Be a witness to their grief. Grief is meant to be witnessed. Sometimes what someone needs most is just an ear. They don’t need a perfect anecdote or meal; they just need someone to sit there and witness the pain they’re going through. Just be present and listen.
3. Honor the person who died. For instance, if you know someone who lost their dad, say something like, "Tell me about your dad. If you're comfortable talking about your dad, I'd love to hear more about him. What was his favorite meal? What made him laugh? What's a special memory that you've been thinking about lately that you'd care to share with me?" If a person who’s grieving is in a space to do that, that can be a really loving and powerful exchange.

How You Can Help Ele’s Place and Their Mission

Ele’s Place doesn’t deal with insurance, so anyone can take part at no cost. The work they do is always free. Instead, they depend on donations and fundraising. They have major events every fall and spring. You can help by attending one of these events or donating through their website.

“That's tremendously helpful,” Calen said. “We are 100% community funded. So that means we rely on donors and businesses to support us in order to keep our services free. Also, you can follow us on social media, which is tremendously helpful. And then just spread the word that we exist. We want everyone to know that we're here so that we can support them when they need us.”

Ele’s Place can always use volunteers as well. They need kitchen volunteers on a weekly basis to serve their family’s potluck, to help at their events or assist with projects. They host companies for service days as well.

It’s important work that most of us don’t really think about until it happens to someone we know and love. Thanks to organizations like Ele’s Place, there are people who stand ready to help and support when the need arises.