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Worst Opening Sentences

Create a funny, original opening sentence to the worst imaginary novel ever written to celebrate National Library Week. All ages and resident/nonresident patrons are eligible to participate. Vote below for your favorite: the top 3 winners will receive gift certificates to local businesses! Write a sentence to enter.

Votes Line
I was walking along the street, pulling my dog Plodgkins along with me, when I saw something so shocking that I had to sit down to recover. Just as I was recovering, I was further astounded by the sound of a bark coming from the seat of my pants
From beneath the wall came a soft, melodious voice, whispering, "Pardon me, but could you spare a square of toilet tissue?"
This sentence will not be the winner !!!!!!!
I sat on my bed, trying to remember my name, then I REMEMBERED that I have AMNESIA.
I was walking along the street, pulling my dog Plodgkins along with me, when I saw something so shocking that I had to sit down to recover. Just as I was recovering, I was further astounded by the sound of a bark coming from the seat of my pants
Those that are last will later be first.
harry potter rocks!!!!
harry potter rocks!!!!
It was Mr.Kitty who stole the cookies from the cookie jar... spoiler alert!
If you read this then you must be really bored.
A very long boring story starts in a very boring place.
what a day without a say
For those of you that don't like to read, you'll love this book because it ends right here.
BOOM! The window slides open revealing the cold dark night.
Who are you, and why do you insist on reading this!!!???
Sometimes, you just have to do the right thing - this was most definitely NOT one of those times...
It was the best on pizzas and the best of lunchtime.
Cheese is really smart.
When the giant cheese took over the world, he subjected al humans udder slavery, where humans were milkers to prove adequate milk for cereal.
Vote down!
-101
A very scary Larry who eats lots of berries sat on a ferry to go to terry town, Virginia.
put your ego back people and vote on the people u actually like and vote down on the ones that r actually lame not the ones u dont want to win
i zon ige u now go cry like a baby while i can win the competition
Monkeys eat bananas while swinging on a vine. The rest of the story is unrelated. I don't know why I wrote that. I am dumb.
As he ran away from home, he punched his brother and got punched back so he had a big bruise on his face, identical to his brother, the one he inflicted, for the rest of his life.
I sat down and did nothing else for the rest of the story, so please go away.
i 8 u cuz i couldnt think of a sentence
My favorite animal is a tangelope- a cross between a tangerine and an antelope- and it likes to eat food that is yummy, tasty, and/ or delicious.
Don't let the pigeon write an opening sentence or he might win.
The story behind how my blind, paraplegic neighbor, Cassie Cain, solved a 45-year old murder is one of the most intriguing tales you'll ever hear -- but I don’t really feel like talking about that, so let's talk about moss instead!
She wasn't the only cookie to crumble under pressure, she was in a box with a lot of crumbs.
I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid.
No one votes for the sentence, but only for themselves and against all others as often as they can, which invalidates this contest's whole point
This is the worst contest ever because everyone will vote for themselves and against all others as often as they can
I was walking along the street, pulling my dog Plodgkins along with me, when I saw something so shocking that I had to sit down to recover. Just as I was recovering, I was further astounded by the sound of a bark coming from the seat of my pants
I sat on my bed, trying to remember my name, then I REMEMBERED that I have AMNESIA.
I opened my mouth and was about to say my favorite food, when I was very RUDELY interrupted by a fly landing in my mouth.
Can't think of a sentence so this will have to do.
The flower blew away across the garden, it looked ever so beautiful, like a rainbow in the sky...but i dont like beauty so I stepped on it.
Can't think of a sentence so this will have to do.
Every time I open my eyes, I see a pleasantly plump surprise.
At his wife’s bidding, the confounded man set out one cloudy and cold day on a what he hoped to be a long and fruitless journey, in search of his long avoided mother-in-law.
I dreamed that once upon a nano-second, there was not a byte left to feed a teen-person’s obsessive appettite for texting.
People are people, and nothing else.
The early morning moon shone bright over the old barn where the cow was mooing like a Moonie, and Farmer Alexander hissing like the aggitated cock, after she kicked over his milk pail.
She just didn’t remember my last name, or my first for that matter, although, if it wasn’t for my lisp, she might have remembered that we spoke after I fell up the steps--I said, with my cordial teethy smile, “Howdy Maam,” and she responded, "As if."
This is the book that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
People are like potatoes.
Once upon a time in a faraway land called Tilapia, there lived an ugly princess who wanted nothing more than to be beautiful.
A kiss, a bite, and eternity ever after.
While we may never know the motive, means, or opportunity, I just knew he was guilty.