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Worst Opening Sentences

Create a funny, original opening sentence to the worst imaginary novel ever written to celebrate National Library Week. All ages and resident/nonresident patrons are eligible to participate. Vote below for your favorite: the top 3 winners will receive gift certificates to local businesses! Write a sentence to enter.

Line Comments
I was walking along the street, pulling my dog Plodgkins along with me, when I saw something so shocking that I had to sit down to recover. Just as I was recovering, I was further astounded by the sound of a bark coming from the seat of my pants 0 comments
From beneath the wall came a soft, melodious voice, whispering, "Pardon me, but could you spare a square of toilet tissue?" 0 comments
This sentence will not be the winner !!!!!!! 0 comments
I sat on my bed, trying to remember my name, then I REMEMBERED that I have AMNESIA. 0 comments
I was walking along the street, pulling my dog Plodgkins along with me, when I saw something so shocking that I had to sit down to recover. Just as I was recovering, I was further astounded by the sound of a bark coming from the seat of my pants 0 comments
Those that are last will later be first. 0 comments
harry potter rocks!!!! 0 comments
harry potter rocks!!!! 0 comments
It was Mr.Kitty who stole the cookies from the cookie jar... spoiler alert! 0 comments
If you read this then you must be really bored. 0 comments
A very long boring story starts in a very boring place. 0 comments
what a day without a say 0 comments
For those of you that don't like to read, you'll love this book because it ends right here. 0 comments
BOOM! The window slides open revealing the cold dark night. 0 comments
Who are you, and why do you insist on reading this!!!??? 0 comments
Sometimes, you just have to do the right thing - this was most definitely NOT one of those times... 0 comments
It was the best on pizzas and the best of lunchtime. 0 comments
Cheese is really smart. 0 comments
When the giant cheese took over the world, he subjected al humans udder slavery, where humans were milkers to prove adequate milk for cereal. 0 comments
A very scary Larry who eats lots of berries sat on a ferry to go to terry town, Virginia. 0 comments
put your ego back people and vote on the people u actually like and vote down on the ones that r actually lame not the ones u dont want to win 0 comments
i zon ige u now go cry like a baby while i can win the competition 0 comments
Monkeys eat bananas while swinging on a vine. The rest of the story is unrelated. I don't know why I wrote that. I am dumb. 0 comments
As he ran away from home, he punched his brother and got punched back so he had a big bruise on his face, identical to his brother, the one he inflicted, for the rest of his life. 0 comments
I sat down and did nothing else for the rest of the story, so please go away. 0 comments
i 8 u cuz i couldnt think of a sentence 0 comments
My favorite animal is a tangelope- a cross between a tangerine and an antelope- and it likes to eat food that is yummy, tasty, and/ or delicious. 0 comments
Don't let the pigeon write an opening sentence or he might win. 0 comments
The story behind how my blind, paraplegic neighbor, Cassie Cain, solved a 45-year old murder is one of the most intriguing tales you'll ever hear -- but I don’t really feel like talking about that, so let's talk about moss instead! 0 comments
She wasn't the only cookie to crumble under pressure, she was in a box with a lot of crumbs. 0 comments
I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid. 0 comments
No one votes for the sentence, but only for themselves and against all others as often as they can, which invalidates this contest's whole point 0 comments
This is the worst contest ever because everyone will vote for themselves and against all others as often as they can 0 comments
I was walking along the street, pulling my dog Plodgkins along with me, when I saw something so shocking that I had to sit down to recover. Just as I was recovering, I was further astounded by the sound of a bark coming from the seat of my pants 0 comments
I sat on my bed, trying to remember my name, then I REMEMBERED that I have AMNESIA. 0 comments
I opened my mouth and was about to say my favorite food, when I was very RUDELY interrupted by a fly landing in my mouth. 0 comments
Can't think of a sentence so this will have to do. 0 comments
The flower blew away across the garden, it looked ever so beautiful, like a rainbow in the sky...but i dont like beauty so I stepped on it. 0 comments
Can't think of a sentence so this will have to do. 0 comments
Every time I open my eyes, I see a pleasantly plump surprise. 0 comments
At his wife’s bidding, the confounded man set out one cloudy and cold day on a what he hoped to be a long and fruitless journey, in search of his long avoided mother-in-law. 0 comments
I dreamed that once upon a nano-second, there was not a byte left to feed a teen-person’s obsessive appettite for texting. 0 comments
People are people, and nothing else. 0 comments
The early morning moon shone bright over the old barn where the cow was mooing like a Moonie, and Farmer Alexander hissing like the aggitated cock, after she kicked over his milk pail. 0 comments
She just didn’t remember my last name, or my first for that matter, although, if it wasn’t for my lisp, she might have remembered that we spoke after I fell up the steps--I said, with my cordial teethy smile, “Howdy Maam,” and she responded, "As if." 0 comments
This is the book that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends. 0 comments
People are like potatoes. 0 comments
Once upon a time in a faraway land called Tilapia, there lived an ugly princess who wanted nothing more than to be beautiful. 0 comments
A kiss, a bite, and eternity ever after. 0 comments
While we may never know the motive, means, or opportunity, I just knew he was guilty. 0 comments