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Jetal Patel
Joined: 06/29/2009

I am 12 years old. My favorite sport is golf. I am into hip hop and rap music. I get bored very easily. The exciting things that have happened to me are mostly vacations. I like to watch tv and play outside with my friends. I'm into business and making money. I am not a picky eater and I don't eat everything, but I eat about 90% of the food that my mom makes. My weakest subject in school is Reading. My strongest is math. My parents always tell me that I need to improve in math because they were really good at it when they were younger.I got the sixth highest math score in the grade, but they don't care, they want me to get first. When I go to high school, I want to play golf on a team. My friends go lots of places and I get jealous easily because we never go anywhere on vacation.Those are a few things about me that I want you to know.

lifecloud's picture
Joined: 02/14/2009

Hi, Jetal! Good to know you. This is a great introduction and a good overall portrait of yourself.

Golf is a great topic for some creative writing! I'd like to hear more about your experience with this. What is it about this game that you love most? Something you enjoy like golf or math offers you an easy subject to write about. What I want to hear about are the details of this, however. Tell me the story of what makes these things so interesting to you.

You mention here that the exciting times you've had are during your vacations. Being in a new place helps encourage observation, it's easier to pay attention to the unique things around you when you're in an unusual place. Think about your favorite vacation: what was it that made it so exciting? What did you enjoy most? This might be a subject we'll write about next class time.

But mostly I'd like for you to tell me more about how you feel about the things you've written about here. Can you describe something that's most important to you (like golf or math) in a way that would allow others to share your feelings of it?